


That's not how love works your Majesty

by mokochii



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Prince/Knight AU, and stan's oblivious as usual, craig is shitty with his feelings, mentions of Kyman, staig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mokochii/pseuds/mokochii
Summary: It's kinda unfair that the Prince you're supposed to dedicate your entire life to is a complete asshole who doesn't give you respect.Stan thought it was hate.Oh boy was he wrong.My (super late) Secret Santa Gift to Sun!
Relationships: Stan Marsh/Craig Tucker
Comments: 8
Kudos: 102





	That's not how love works your Majesty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onlymonika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlymonika/gifts).



> Dedicated to my good friend sun <3 She requested staig for the longest time as a Christmas gift and boom! It's here. This was a weird challenge to write since I never thought about how they would interact with each other, much less romantically. But alas I made it for any staig lovers out there to enjoy too. ^^

When Stan wasn't looking, he was sure someone was watching him.

At first, it didn't bother him, thinking his paranoia getting the best of him and due to his innate need of being alert. But he swore this stare was something different, like an observation or harsh judgment or – 

“Dude,” Kyle poked at his friend, and Stan snapped out of his thoughts. “I know you’re into training and all, but we’ve been at this for hours.”

“So?” Stan argued, angling his sword, jabbing his targets with vigor. “I like training.”

Kyle crossed his arms. “Being a good knight doesn't mean fighting all day Stan. It also means studying.”

“I do that too!” he exclaimed, and Kyle deadpanned at him. “Honest man.” Stan twirled his hilt, angling it at Kyle. “But c’mon, c’mon, one more round of hits and we can eat.”

Sighing, Kyle lifted his own sword, and they engaged in a fight. See, knight training was something crucial for young knights, since winning fights, domestic or not, will garner more respect in the court and to their families. Stan came from a respectable family with a history of raising excellent knights, and now Stan was to carry on the mantel of serving for the royal family.

As he was sidestepping an attack from Kyle, his feet caught on something soft and round, and he stumbled to the ground in surprise.

“What the hell.” He noticed it was a ball, carrying the insignia of the crown family. It looked like a tennis ball of some sport, probably rolled off from the court.

“Are you just gonna stare at it forever or actually pick it up?”

Blinking, he glanced over, and standing in the midst of other followers and knights, was prince Craig, firstborn son, heir to the throne.

_-and the biggest asshole Stan has ever met._

Stan tried to smile, holding his irritation in. “Yeah, I’m doing it, your Highness.”

Craig didn't look please, his impassive face not flinching at Stan’s slightly clipped tone. But then again, Craig was always like this – uncaring, unbothered, and simply cold.

Stan passed the ball to Craig’s hand, but Craig only stared at it intently, careful not to touch Stan’s hands with his gloved ones, before giving the item to Clyde. However, he took a gander at Stan’s surroundings before turning away.

“Training isn’t going to get you anywhere.” He stated frankly, “Give up already.”

Stan held his anger in. “Your highness, I’m your knight. It’s what I do –“

“I have several. I don't need another.” He explained aloof, “You’ll make better use as an errand boy.”

Stan clenched his fists. “I see.... _your majesty.”_ Any bite he had edged into the last word, but if Craig noticed, he didn't react, simply heading back with his entourage.

“Damn.” Kyle mouthed, “That’s the prince huh?”

“Yeah.” Stan huffed, “A living hell but only to me. I don't even know what I did to tick him off.”

“You could actually confront him about the issue.”

“Dude, I’m not gonna do what you do with Prince Cartman.” Stan frowned, “I don't get a kick outta fighting royalty.”

“I don't have a kick!” Kyle argued though Stan noticed the flushed face. “When you were in Cartman’s court as his knight I barely fought him!”

“Suuure.” Stan rolled his eyes, taking notice of his sword again. Though Kyle kept listing how he truly wasn’t the argumentative person everyone said he was, Stan’s eyes trailed back to where to windows of the castle, then back to the garden.

It was getting frustrating to figure out who kept staring, but it still didn't hold a candle to Stan’s confusion of Prince Craig’s demeanor.

He vented venomously to his fellow knights on his ordeal one day, and as usual, they didn't react ideally.

“Do you know why the Prince hates me so much?” he complained, “Seriously, just me breathing and he’s attacking me!”

Clyde laughed. Despite his status as a knight, (and probably the closest one to Craig) he had sociability and easygoing nature most nobles strived to have. “Aw, don't take it to heart Stan! Ya know how the Prince is. He’s…uh – what’s the word-“

“A dick.”

“No, Prince Cartman is a dick.” He corrected idly, slinging an arm over Stan. It boggled Stan why he didn't become a jester instead. “Didn't Kyle say he’s an ass rat to work for?”

“Yeh…but Prince Cartman is different cause he’s a dick to everyone.”

“He’s got a good point.” Token chimed lightly, swirling his drink. While having noble status, Token preferred hanging out with the other knights of Prince Craig’s crew as opposed to the rich. “Even you didn't want to work for him, Clyde.”

“Uh, I can totally work for him Token! But I can’t just _abandon_ Craig. Knights cannot ever do that. Nope, not ever.”

Stan sighed. “I won’t leave our Prince either, but it’s just! He’s a complete dick to me! Ever since I came to his court and I literally didn't do anything! Is he mad I got transferred to his court in exchange for Tweek? Is it that?”

“Naw, Tweek gladly resigned his role as a knight to work as a doctor. He hated it.”

“Then I got nothing man.” Throwing his arms up, Stan leaned against the wall.

Token crossed his arms. “Perhaps you said something to him in the beginning that ticked his dislike?”

“But if I did, wouldn't he fire me? I know he fires people without warning.”

“That’s true.” Clyde confirmed. “He doesn't give a warning if you’re off his court. Rip Jason White.”

“Then why me then? If I did something wrong, shouldn't he tell me if I’m not gonna be fired?”

“I don't know man…” Clyde grabbed a cookie from the table. “It’s Prince Craig we’re talking about. You can’t force him to talk unless you confront, but that's a stupid move."

"Yeah, even Clyde doesn't do that."

"Hey!"

“God this is the worst. Prince Craig hates me, I got a weird stalker – “

“Woah, woah! Who’s stalking you?”

Stan groaned. “I don't know. I just feel eyes always staring at me everytime I’m out and I thought for awhile the Prince was just glaring at me whenever I’m not looking cause I know he hates me – “

“But it is him dude! And he isn’t glaring!” Clyde exclaimed, only to immediately cover his mouth.

Stan blinked. “…What?”

“Like, uhh, yeh he just, uh watches you a lot.”

Stan didn't know how to process this. “Why does he watch me?”

“Uh, I can’t say.”

“Clyde! Tell me!”

“Really!” He tried to backtrack, “The Prince would kill me if I did. I can confirm though he doesn't hate you. Really.”

“That’s hard to believe when he barely gives me quests, or if he does, they’re small and insignificant.”

Token patted Stan’s shoulder. “We know the Prince for a long time. If he really hated you, he would’ve gotten rid of you a long time ago. If you’re still around he still finds value in you to be in his court.”

Value huh? Stan didn't know what to make of that. Waving a hand, he left the common room, not hearing the giant sigh of relief Clyde released. Token shook his head.

“You’re lucky you caught yourself there.” He said, “Cause Craig would’ve killed you.”

“I know! I know! Crap, I hope Stan doesn't realize what I meant.”

Toke glanced to where Stan once was. “Unless he confronts our Prince head-on about the matter, which is a guarantee death wish for any knight, I wouldn't worry.”

* * *

It was weeks later, Stan finally got tasked on assignment (an assignment, yes!) about in incident in the Southern forest. It was believed bandits were spotted, and Stan was eager to use his skills against them.

The first day he went, they found no one, however, they did discover a camping spot, and a possible trail. It was decided they would continue investigating the following day.

But then a horse from the castle appeared.

“Knight Stan is asked to return to the castle. The rest of you can continue your mission.”

“What? Why?”

The messenger shrugged. “Prince’s orders.”

No fucking way. After so long, finally able to prove he’s a worthy knight in a court that supposedly dislikes him, he gets yanked back like a tied up puppy. Kyle warned him not to blow up at the castle, but Stan couldn't keep his cool. No more.

Slamming the dinning room doors open, Prince Craig didn't flinch from his seat, being the only one eating on the grand table and two maids waiting on the side.

“Do you hate me?”

Craig simply eyed him before returning to his food. “…Is that a statement or a question?”

“Both. Because it’s clear I don't understand our situation.”

Craig dismissed the apprehensive maids, and now regarded his full attention to the knight. “And what’s that exactly?”

“I don't know your Majesty! I thought I needed to prove my ability but it seems you have very little interest in allowing me to do anything! I was on assignment but suddenly now I’m not worthy to deal with it?” Stan walked closer to Craig, and as expected, the Prince didn't react. “I train just as hard, or heck, _harder_ than the other knights yet don't receive any respect from you! And I have done nothing wrong to deserve it!” He knew he should stop, yelling at a royal was simply a death wish to a knight, but at that moment, Stan didn't give two shits about his position. He just needed to _vent_. “But now I hear you watch me a lot. Are you observing me? Seeing if I’ll betray you or some shit like that? Am I a joke of a knight to keep around for your amusement? God the way you treat me it’s like you either want me dead, or…I don't know!” He laughed, “You’re in love with me! Makes sense! Because clearly having affections to someone means making their life as miserable hell hole!”

Craig observed the scene plainly, the only sound of the knight’s heavy breathing. It was then the Prince rose to his seat, and Stan immediately expected a dismissal of the knighthood court.

“It’s fun.”

Stan almost tripped at what he heard. He did not just hear what he just did. “I-I…W-What?”

“Fun.” He said, and he eyes stared right into Stan’s, and the knight’s heart suddenly clenched at such intensity. _Such a depthless blue._

The Prince got up, wiping his mouth neatly before folding it over his plate and smoothly walking over to Stan. He was spellbound by his leader, not even flinching when the prince stood right in front of him, leaning over to whisper.

“I said fun Stan. You’re fun to bother.”

Stan sputtered a response. “I…I am?”

“No shit.”

“S-So you keep me around…to make fun at?”

Craig titled his head, and _what the hell_ – he smirked. “Not exactly.” He walked to the door, calm as ever. “You’re just…interesting to watch.”

* * *

After that encounter, Stan felt paranoia wash over him everytime he saw the Prince.

While he always felt at unease to be near Craig, now it morphed into a weird self-conscious demeanor, wondering what was so interesting about him that made the Prince…keep him around to observe. Stan didn't do anything out of the ordinary right? Was he just funny looking? Did he talk weird? It blustered to a point where Stan couldn't keep his thoughts straight should he ever _look_ at the guy now. This wasn't fun.

“I never pegged Prince Craig to find you interesting Stan.”

“I’m not okay?!” someone even saying those words out loud did weird things to his chest, feeling very fucking confused. “Just, let’s just forget it Kyle.”

“Never knew Stan w-was such an interesting guy.” Sir Jimmy sat with them at the dining hall. He used to be part of the court because till he officially decided to be court jester, relishing in entertainment. “W-Why he keeps you around, doesn't l-let you go on assignments.”

Kyle nodded. “It’s like…he’s keeping tabs on your whereabouts.”

“But why?!” Stan faltered, “I haven’t done anything extraordinary as a knight, or even in my personal life.”

Butters tapped his finger to his chin, as an idea popped in his head. “Geez, maybe he got a big old crush on you Stan!”

Stan’s stomach dropped at that proposition. He was only joking when he mentioned that to Craig, but to think it was an actual possibility. “What the hell? Butters! That’s not funny.”

“But if you think ‘bout it Stan, it m-m-makes the most sense.” Jimmy added. “Think about it: he says you’re interesting, keeps you ar-r-round the castle. Didn't Clyde say he w-watches you too?”

“Yeah but, but –“ Stan felt his hands turn clammy. It was stupidly making sense, and his head wasn't catching up to how his body was reacting. His face was feeling hot. “But he’s always rude to me! How can someone like you and still be a jackass?”

Butters added. “Well Prince Cartman is like that to Kyle so it’s not completely impossible –“

“WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT NOW.” Kyle yelled, looking equally uncomfortable and frankly, embarrassed. “We’re dealing with Stan’s problem now.”

“No, I rather deal with yours.” Stan injected. He just doesn't want to think about Craig right now. Not when he couldn't label what he felt.

“Well you think I wanna deal with mine? It’s not exactly a go-to dinner topic!”

“Mine ain’t either!”

Jimmy and Butters stared at the arguing friends. “Maybe I should I…b-base my comedy on this new t-turn of events.”

“YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT JIMMY.”

“But fellas, you gotta admit: t-this is quite funny.”

Stan groaned. God, how much he wished this was some stupid joke. He could laugh it off, go about his day, worry about Craig hating him and not actually loving him –

Fuck! He meant like. Not love. That’s too much.

Stan tried to forget his ordeal on knight training, going harder than usual. Even Sir Garrison noticed Stan’s shifted mood at practice and commented, “What crawled up your ass?”

“Nothing.”

“Pff. Doesn't seem like nothing when the one knight I trained who can actually fight suddenly can’t hit his fucking targets.”

“I can hit them just fine! Just give me something else to work on!”

“Ugh fine. There’s a new maneuver to pin your opponent on the ground only with a trip of their foot. Kinda looks gay, but it’s hella effective.” He demonstrated on his assistant Mr. Slave (and damn it did look gay, since their faces were only inches apart) but he easily pinned Mr. Slave down with barely any effort.

“Can I try?”

“Hell no! This is an advanced move. Do it wrong and you can cuck their balls.”

“Then why show me if I can’t try?”

“Let me clarify: not _my_ balls Stan. Do it on someone else willing.”

When Sir Garrison left, Stan wandered around to see who wanted to train with him. Kyle and Butters were unfortunately was back in Prince Cartman’s court, Clyde was in town (probably trying to find a chick to bang, given his lack of success with Bebe). No way he could ask Token. Jimmy perhaps, but he’ll probably crack jokes the whole time and not take it seriously.

Frustrated, he decided to try it on a homemade dummy left on the training grounds.

He brought it to the large shed, hoping no witnesses to his efforts. It was stupidly hot in the barn too, so he stripped himself of his outer garments, only left in combat briefs and a tee. Wasn't like anyone was gonna see him here.

Stan charged at the dummy, failing pretty badly on his first try. The hay arms and legs did semi help, making him aim ideally where the throw the enemy off. After several attempts, (and feeling goddamn sweaty) he finally had it pinned to the ground, now he just gotta tie its arms –

He suddenly heard feet, and Stan gazed up and his _stomach dropped_.

Prince Craig was there.

Fucking Craig.

Holy Crap.

The said person stared at him for several moments, (Stan felt his face _burning_ under his gaze) but the prince ultimately said, “This is disturbing.”

“Uh, Prince Craig!” he squawked, letting go of the dummy which wacked the ground, hay flying all over. Stan scrambled to find his cape or his pants as a cover-up, tripping and crashing down onto the floor, Craig right at his head.

Stan cringed inwardly. The prince already hated him so much – this position would just leverage humiliation along with his daily insults.

Craig observed the dummy. “Some type of training knights do?”

Stan nodded. “U-Uh, yeah.” The room grew silent, so he staggered back up on his feet, awkwardly gathering his pants and other stuff in his arms.

“If what I said about being interesting offended you, I take it back.”

Stan was baffled at what her head. “What?”

“Our previous talk. Since then, you’re actively avoiding me.”

Shit, he noticed? Stan felt his cheeks heat up. “I’m uh, not your majesty. Seriously.”

Craig only gave him a hard stare. “Lying isn’t your best skill.”

“No, my best skill is fighting, but you don't think so either.”

“I think you’re good.” He said, and Stan’s eyes widened, “Better than Clyde in some ways, but don't tell him that.”

Okay, now he was freaking out. “You think I’m good?”

He titled his head. “I just said it, didn't I?”

“But I, I don't understand…you said I was shit – all the time –”

“Yeah I did say that. You still are. But you’re also not.”

“Does this play into the whole “I’m interesting?” thing you said?”

He shrugged. “Dunno.”

Stan wanted to throw his head against the wall. No wonder Prince Craig acted so stuck up and barely speak. His social skills were terrible! And hella confusing.

He would’ve stayed venting internally till a hand reached out and gave him his pants.

“Now look proper. Bystanders have curious eyes. And you being half-naked isn’t an image I wanna associate with.”

Flushed, Stan immediately took his pants, hurriedly dressing up. Craig respectfully turned away, but oddly enough didn't leave.

He had to ask. “Why are you being nice?”

“I’m not really being nice.” He said, a bit too swiftly, “Just respectability for my status to treat his court knights with decency.”

“But you’re never nice with me.”

“So you want me to act like I was before?”

“No! Like…I don't know. I’m just wondering what’s with the change of behavior. I thought you hated me.”

“I never said I hated you.” He returned, turning back at him with his dark blue eyes.

Butter’s words came to the forefront of Stan’s head. _Maybe he likes you!_

Stan’s face turned stupidly red. Goddammit, Butters.

“So what you like me or s-something?” he tried to say it causally, but he could tell miserably his voice wavered in nervousness.

Craig immediately halted his movement, and Stan regretted asking, apprehension catching him by the throat.

“So what technique were you doing?”

In a daze, he recoiled. “Uh, a new one. Sir Garrison taught it recently, and I’m…trying to practice.”

Craig eyed the dummy for several long moments, and it was oddly nerve-racking.

“Try with me.”

“ _W-What?!”  
_

Craig’s demeanor didn't flinch. “You don't wanna be a shitty knight? Then you need practice on an actual person.”

Stan’s thoughts were going a mile a minute, denying it with his too hot hands. “No, no I can’t. That’s like, a really bad idea – “ _Especially since I can’t figure out how you feel towards me!_

Craig narrowed his eyes. “Are you denying my request?”

“No! It’s n-not like I dislike the idea, but you’re like the Prince and I can’t train with the Prince– “

“You can’t say no,” Craig took off his gloves, and taking off the exterior lining of his jacket. “So hurry up.”

Stan gulped thickly. Oh man…

Craig readied himself for an attack, and Stan, shoving all nervousness aside, charged at Craig. Aiming at his foot, he copied exactly like how Garrison did, bringing his elbow at the side to bring Craig down. However, he didn't expect Craig to grab his other arm and knocking him back with his weight, bringing them down.

The wind got knocked outta Stan, realizing he was the one being pinned to the ground.

He heaved breathlessly. “How’d you do that?”

“You were doing the Counter Rouge takedown. I just threw it back at you.”

Stan was shocked. “Y-You can do takedowns?”

“Of course dumbass. I’m the Prince. It was basic requirement of me to know.”

“Wait. So you knew I wouldn’t be able to tackle you?”

He shrugged.

“Is this another moment of amusement for you?”

“Hm.” He smirked, “Perhaps.”

His gaze lingered a little longer than a glance, and Stan couldn't breathe at what he saw.

Craig never elicited emotion from his voice or demeanor – it was a rarity for anyone, even his own family, to see him express something other than discontent and boredom.

But here, in close proximity, skin to shin, he was smirking down at him.

Stan’s face turned rapidly red. “Uh, you’re still on top of me.”

He coyly turned his head. “Does that bother you Stan?”  
Holy fuck he said his name. Stan couldn't handle it anymore. “It’s just embarrassing ya know?!” he looked away, and he soon felt the extra weight off his waist.

Craig patted his sleeves, adjusting his attire as he went to get his coat. “You’re still a shitty knight.”

“Well, you’re still an ass.” Stan said without thinking, and Craig only simpered back.

“You’re right.” He acknowledged lightly, and it truly made Stan wonder who was the real Craig.

“Stan!” Garrison called from afar, “Where the hell are you? We got another session!”

“Oh. Shit.” Stan ran to the exit of the stable. Before he left, he halted his steps and sharply turned back to Craig. “Sorry my Prince, but I gotta go.”

Craig didn't look bothered. “More training to be less shitty right?”

Stan should’ve been mad. But he couldn't help but choke out a laugh. “Yup.”

“And I guess you want an answer too.”

“An answer?”

Craig bored his eyes into Stan’s, and the knight rapidly realized it was his question from earlier.

“Oh! Uh, y-you don't have to answer that.” he muttered, feeling self-conscious all over again. Why did he feel hot again?

Craig sauntered casually over to him, looking dead in the eye, and Stan could only helplessly stare up. “So no answer?”

Was the Prince always this tall? He definitely wasn't this tall. 

“I gotta…run.” Stan backed away, almost stumbling at his footing. Grabbing his cape, he took one last glance at the composed Prince before running off.

When alone, Craig finally released a hidden chuckle, accounting of the events that happened.

His stupid knight finally noticed.

Guess all that bullying paid off.

**Author's Note:**

> Expect an update on Brotherhood next month!


End file.
